One Time I Googled “sodium content sloppy joes”

There are 340,000 google hits for for this.  This cannot be a coincidence.  There is an unmistakable convergence of consciousness, (the neutral word for curiosity), about the sinisterity of “the sloppy joes,” which sounds like a stomach condition.  Where did that name come from?  Sounds armyish.  Like WWIIersish.  Whatever.  From the first find:

Sodium Concerns

A 1/4 cup of Manwich original or thick and chunky has between 410 mg and 430 mg of sodium, while the bold variety has 800 mg — and that is if you stick to just 1/7 of the can. The Institute of Medicine recommends keeping sodium intake to 1,500 mg daily. If you eat 1/2 cup of the bold sauce, you will consume more than a day’s worth of sodium.

My emphasis.  Emphasis on the toxicity of consuming “the bold” variety as anything more than a “dipping sauce” or some such condiment.  Let’s do the math:  There are 7 servings in a 15.5 oz. can.  In the “bold” variety, 2.2 ozs. is one serving, equal to a 1/4 cup.  Two servings, or 1/2 cup, or 4.4 ozs. provides more than a day’s worth of sodium according to the TIM.  Which means that each can of the “Bold” variety has about 3.5 DAYS worth of sodium.

But do some quick, from the hip statistics: of the people likely to buy the  “MANWICH BOLD” brand dinner fixins, what percent is likely to abide by these recommendations set down by some egghead in his shiney fuckin tower in his hippy fuckin town?  Spontaneous survey says: not many.  Sloppy joe, in the quantities that we actually ingest them in, push about 2 or 3 days DAYS worth of sodium through our bodies, whether we like it or not.  But let’s be real: my dad’s dad once took me and Jimmy (James, or “the wild settler”) to a truck stop buffet stocked with a low-grade version of Golden Corral-type substances, i.e., “standard” grade beef cuts, fried vegetables, deep fried vegetables, deep fried meats, sausage, custard cream pie, dumpster sweet pie, jalapeno cornbread, but worse.  My brother went up 3 fucking times.  Not with just a couples bits of his favorites, no.  With full-on platefuls.  That’s just how hungry the guy was.  We all know this about ourselves.

People apparently really want to know about this.  And good for us.  We will probably die at a slower rate than those who don’t ever give a damn about how much sugar they push through their kidneys every time they drink a slushy.  Delicious slushy.  Do they even make those anymore?  Well, Parks, one of the floating LAFD EMT’s carries a 64 oz. “GigantoGulp” bucket of doom everywhere he goes, and it’s clearly documented that beverages make up a larger part of our calorie intake compared to other food groups since the ’80’s, so it’s no surprise that “the diabetes” (as Wilford Brimley tells us), will fuck your life up, yet Parks remains very average, even slim by some standards.  How does he do it?  The point is our health habits are shit.  Where’s the money in that?  Medicare/medicaid.

So we are left with this series of questions:

1. What is a “sloppy joe” sandwich?

and 2. What are “The Sloppy Joes?”

Good night, and good lunch.


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